MIXED EMOTIONS

Well today Kaidence looks better then she did a couple of days ago. Last night despite all the sedation she smiled at me and played with her favorite spoon that her big brother Camden packed for her. She has been awake much more today. They keep her hands restrained so she cant pull at her intibation tubes. They continue the sedation to keep her heart from working to much. She did watch Baby Einstein today. She stares at the ceiling alot I have a feeling that she has had some visitors. We are waiting to hear official word any minute that she has been listed for a heart, but have not received the pager. I am very anxious today. I still feel so strong that the blessing that was given to Kaidence can still come to pass if it truly is the Lords will and what a miracle it would be. I think that is why I am so nervous. I want to get a new heart soon if that is what is meant for her but at the same time I am afraid that things will move too quickly and that she won't have time to get better. Sounds funny I know because if she was meant to have that miracle of her heart returning to normal function I know that the Lord could do that instantaneously. The doctors most likely think that I am a nut job because they know that I am not giving up on her getting better until I have too and they only look at everything from a medical standpoint, but that's ok and it's their job. Either way we will be blessed because Heavenly Father loves us and has his hands in all things. We have been told that we need to be Faithful for blessings to come to pass and we are trying. The Red Sea was not parted while people stood on the shores. They had to get in and get their feet wet for the miracle to come to pass. Our families feet are wet and we are walking. I just have to keep the faith that the Lord won't let me drown.