Wednesday, January 30, 2008


I found this poem and did change the wording to fit it for a girl. However, I could never find the author's name. It somewhat describes what my new life is like!

One day my world came crashing down,
I'll never be the same.
They told me that my baby was sick.
I thought, "Am I to blame"?
I don't think I can handle this.
I am really not that strong.
It seemed my heart was breaking.
I have loved her for so long.
I will not give up on this child.
I will listen to your advice.
I will give my daughter any chance.
No matter what the price.
I will learn all that I need
To help my baby thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube.
My child must survive!
Will she need a lot of therapy?
Will she gain the needed weight?
Please God, help me do this.
As I accept our fate.
When the monitors beep at night,
it serves as my reminder.
How many parents would love that sound.
Tomorrow I will be kinder.
As another Angel earns his wings,
I run to my baby's bed.
I watch her sleep for quite a while.
I bend down and kiss her head.
I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.
I look to You wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....
no matter how I try.
And yet, I trust you hold her life,
and guide us through each day.
My mind says savor each moment she's here,
but my heart begs, "PLEASE let her stay"!
From pacing the surgical waiting room,
to sitting by her bed.
From wishing for a good nights sleep,
to learning every med.
From wondering, "Will she be alright?",
to watching her reach out her hands.
With every smile my heart just melts,
despite life's harsh demands.
For all who see that faded line.
I look to them and smile.
You see my child is loved so much.
I would face ANY trial.
That scar I trace with my finger
(It's the door to her beautiful heart).
God must have known how much I'd love her
(Just as He loved her from the start).
A heart mom is always a heart mom.
Now wise beyond her years.
For those who have angels in heaven,
Our hearts share in all of your tears.
Every day I will try and remember,
I was chosen for her (and no other).
I will always embrace that beautiful day.......
When I became a "Heart Mother".


I hope that you like the new look. I wanted a fresh change. Kaidence ate tonight and for the first time I could tell that she really wanted to. She had her mouth open and she was ready to eat. She did great, it was so exciting. We are doing her feeds a little differently so that she will hopefully have some sensation of hunger. She getS fuzzier everyday and her eyebrows are thicker and turning dark and her eyelashes are getting longer as well. They were already long to begin with. She is going to the OR on Monday to have her central line removed. Kinda scary doing it as an outpatient. It didn't seem like such a big deal when we were in the PICU. She will spend the majority of the day at PCMC Monday. I just have to be sure they let her recover in her own room and not with somebody else because of her immune system. She looks so good that I don't thik people realize that she just had a transplant. Other then that it's just the same old stuff here. Dealing with SSI (my favorite thing to do) still continues. I am amazed at how many times I can call and how I never seem to make any progress. The boys are happy and full of energy. McCaden has started his own cleaning business. He told Shalyse "My service is free, but I do accept checks". He went and cleaned for her the other day. He says he works everyday but Sunday and Monday. He comes home everyday wondering if he will get a phone call to go to work. Tomorrow he will be cleaning Nanna's house. He asked her on the phone "Is your house still clean? Because I worked really hard on it". Sound familiar mommy's out there? Gotta go and medicate Kaidence!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


Our family would like to pay respects to our beloved Prophet President Gordon B. Hinckley. We are grateful for the gracious manner in which he led us by example. We are personally grateful to for the many prayers that he offered in behalf of our little Kaidence. We pray for his family and thank them for sharing this wonderful man with us. We are blessed with the peace of knowing that Families ARE Forever and that he is with his loving wife and many others that have passed on, including Little Baby Jack. You have touched our hearts.
God Be with You!


Sorry about the page layout. I am working on it. I thought that a new look for a new beginning would be a good thing. I will post more a little later.