THE DAY I BECAME A HEART MOMMY!

I found this poem and did change the wording to fit it for a girl. However, I could never find the author's name. It somewhat describes what my new life is like!

One day my world came crashing down,
I'll never be the same.
They told me that my baby was sick.
I thought, "Am I to blame"?
I don't think I can handle this.
I am really not that strong.
It seemed my heart was breaking.
I have loved her for so long.
I will not give up on this child.
I will listen to your advice.
I will give my daughter any chance.
No matter what the price.
I will learn all that I need
To help my baby thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube.
My child must survive!
Will she need a lot of therapy?
Will she gain the needed weight?
Please God, help me do this.
As I accept our fate.
When the monitors beep at night,
it serves as my reminder.
How many parents would love that sound.
Tomorrow I will be kinder.
As another Angel earns his wings,
I run to my baby's bed.
I watch her sleep for quite a while.
I bend down and kiss her head.
I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.
I look to You wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....
no matter how I try.
And yet, I trust you hold her life,
and guide us through each day.
My mind says savor each moment she's here,
but my heart begs, "PLEASE let her stay"!
From pacing the surgical waiting room,
to sitting by her bed.
From wishing for a good nights sleep,
to learning every med.
From wondering, "Will she be alright?",
to watching her reach out her hands.
With every smile my heart just melts,
despite life's harsh demands.
For all who see that faded line.
I look to them and smile.
You see my child is loved so much.
I would face ANY trial.
That scar I trace with my finger
(It's the door to her beautiful heart).
God must have known how much I'd love her
(Just as He loved her from the start).
A heart mom is always a heart mom.
Now wise beyond her years.
For those who have angels in heaven,
Our hearts share in all of your tears.
Every day I will try and remember,
I was chosen for her (and no other).
I will always embrace that beautiful day.......
When I became a "Heart Mother".

NEW LOOK!

I hope that you like the new look. I wanted a fresh change. Kaidence ate tonight and for the first time I could tell that she really wanted to. She had her mouth open and she was ready to eat. She did great, it was so exciting. We are doing her feeds a little differently so that she will hopefully have some sensation of hunger. She getS fuzzier everyday and her eyebrows are thicker and turning dark and her eyelashes are getting longer as well. They were already long to begin with. She is going to the OR on Monday to have her central line removed. Kinda scary doing it as an outpatient. It didn't seem like such a big deal when we were in the PICU. She will spend the majority of the day at PCMC Monday. I just have to be sure they let her recover in her own room and not with somebody else because of her immune system. She looks so good that I don't thik people realize that she just had a transplant. Other then that it's just the same old stuff here. Dealing with SSI (my favorite thing to do) still continues. I am amazed at how many times I can call and how I never seem to make any progress. The boys are happy and full of energy. McCaden has started his own cleaning business. He told Shalyse "My service is free, but I do accept checks". He went and cleaned for her the other day. He says he works everyday but Sunday and Monday. He comes home everyday wondering if he will get a phone call to go to work. Tomorrow he will be cleaning Nanna's house. He asked her on the phone "Is your house still clean? Because I worked really hard on it". Sound familiar mommy's out there? Gotta go and medicate Kaidence!

OUR PROPHET, OUR FRIEND!

Our family would like to pay respects to our beloved Prophet President Gordon B. Hinckley. We are grateful for the gracious manner in which he led us by example. We are personally grateful to for the many prayers that he offered in behalf of our little Kaidence. We pray for his family and thank them for sharing this wonderful man with us. We are blessed with the peace of knowing that Families ARE Forever and that he is with his loving wife and many others that have passed on, including Little Baby Jack. You have touched our hearts.
God Be with You!

PAGE UNDER CONSTRUCTION-PLEASE EXCUSE THE MESS!

Sorry about the page layout. I am working on it. I thought that a new look for a new beginning would be a good thing. I will post more a little later.

A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING!

I know that it has been awhile since I last posted however things seem less dramatic now that we are home. Obviously we aren't doing CT's and test and surgeries everyday. However, it doesn't mean that things aren't a little crazy at times. Kaidence is getting better at eating it seems. She really likes the berry banana baby food. We tried a bath in the sink because she still has that line in her chest that can't get wet. She smells much better. I was surprised last night when I bent down to kiss her toes and they smelt like stinky cheese. Pretty bad for a kid that doesn't wear shoes. Obviously, the sponge bathes we have to give her aren't cutting it. No matter how hard we try I don't think it's as good as hosing her down with a good lather. I think that we have more teeth on our way in. One of the medications she takes makes her gums thick and so she will have a harder time teething, but that's ok. Teeth are nothing compared to what she has already done in life. One thing that I am finding with Kaidence is that she is maybe too content? She is ok with laying down on her back and playing all day long. Well, that is what she has done for half of her life. I am really trying to work with her on sitting. She also wants nothing to do with bearing any weight on her legs. We can't work with her too much until her chest has the full 6 weeks for the bone to heal. I am worried about these things and we do have Early Intervention coming out to work with Kaidence and evaluate her on the 4th of February. I feel like I am spread a little thin trying to make sure that the everyday things get done, each kid feels loved and their tummy full and then working with them on all of their little individual needs. However, it is so much better than trying to do it all from a hospital room. Mike is starting school again the first week in February and that will be interesting, but that is life. We are very happy that things are going so well. Kaidence's appt. went well also and we are still playing with her meds because some of the blood levels are not where they should be. Things are looking good with our family and I am looking forward to spring and getting out in my yard again. I think that I will have a lot to do this year, things were rightfully neglected last year. I am excited to go into a time of year with a fresh start, rebirth. I had such a hard time this fall when Kaidence was getting sicker and everywhere I looked around everything was dying for winter. It just felt so hopeless. Thank Heaven for new beginnings!

COULD YOU SAVE ME YESTERDAY & TODAY'S NEWS PAPERS?

Also, if anyone happens to take the Salt Lake tribune and has yesterdays and today's papers (apparently there are articles in both) could you please save them for me? I didn't get any papers and would love some for scrapbooks (not that I scrapbook). Thanks a bunch!!!!

YUMMY TO MY TUMMY!!!

Hey, look at me.. I added this picture all by myself. Mike will be so impressed. Well, Kaidence loves to eat squash but she is pretty strong willed and really thinks that she should just feed herself. This is what happened.........

So today I am actually cooking dinner. Crazy huh? It has been so long since I have felt "normal" that it is a nice change. However, I am sure that next week when I blog I will be feeling differently, because I have to fix dinner. However, I hoping that I will never forget how many nights I sat at the hospital wishing and hoping that I was home doing all of the crazy mommy and wife stuff like folding wash and cooking dinner and cleaning Pepsi up off my wood floors. I would think "those were the days". You get a new perspective on things.

Camden is feeling better and I think that Kaidence is as well. No throwing up today. We are always happy about that. Camden was a little snuggle bug last night and his personality is really starting to show. he is such a cutie pie. I think that Kaidence continues making great progress, we couldn't be happier. McCaden is once again cleaning. In fact I am feeling guilty to be blogging while he is cleaning. He just finished doing the dishes and cleaning out the sink. He cleaned my laundry room the other night and sorted all of my laundry that somehow never seems to be able to make it 3 more steps to the basket. I told him I wrote about him on the blog and that many of you responded saying "I need McCaden to come to my house." So now he said that after he finishes the dishes that he will put together a work schedule for himself so he can clean other peoples houses. You never know I just may need a place to drop him off one day...HA HA.......